Bonus Episode: The Port of Entry team remembers their late loved ones

S1: While growing up. There's a saying I heard from a lot of people that goes. The only thing that doesn't have a solution is death.

S2: La unica cosa no tiene solution es la muerte. Yeah , I've heard it.

S1: To be honest , this kind of made me walk through life fearing death , and it fed a crippling and society that made me imagine scenarios where I lose the people I love.

S2: Oh yeah , I can relate.

S1:

S2: But what if , instead of fear , we were able to see death as the ultimate teacher ? Obviously , it's easier said than done , but many spiritual traditions throughout the ages have had a much healthier relationship to death. I also believe we should practice allowing death to paint our lives with gratitude. Gratitude that the ones who passed away were here with us at all , and that we get to keep them alive in our memories and in our actions. We can also live with hope that when we're gone , there's going to be someone who will celebrate the impact we left on this earth.

S1: That was beautiful , and I believe that too. And I'm also thankful that we get to be part of a culture that celebrates life and teaches us that instead of mourning those who have passed , we're taught to honor their memories and reflect on the way they lived and also carry their wisdom forward , shaping who we are today.

S2: Of course , we're talking about Dia de Muertos. This episode invites listeners to reflect deeply from the beginning , setting up what will hopefully be a meaningful conversation around Dia de Muertos. Day of the dead , also known in Spanish as Dia.

S1: De Muertos.

S2: Is a celebration of life and death that originated in Mexico thousands of years ago.

S1: The S6 and Toltec believed that mourning the dead was disrespectful because they saw death as a natural phase of life , and so they considered the dead as members of the community , kept alive in memory and spirit.

S2: Smart people. Yeah.

S1: Yeah. And it is believed that during the other Muertos , the dead returned to Earth to visit us and to enjoy the altars with ofrenda. Offerings.

S2: Offerings.

S1: We built for them on this day.

S2: And no , you shouldn't let your ex come back during the world that's different. Buried that that's my dad joke for the day. This is a special bonus episode for the other mortals. We want to share with you some memories of our loved ones who are not with us physically anymore. From KPBS this is Port of Entry.

S1: Where we tell crossborder stories that connect. Us.

S2: Us. I'm Alan Lilienthal.

S1: And I'm Natalia Gonzalez.

S2: We commemorate the other muertos by creating altars. Typically , they're filled with objects our departed ones used to enjoy when they were alive.

S1: Altars can be customized to your liking , but many of them have key elements.

S2: Photos of your family and friends.

S1: Candles and incense , water , sweets.

S2: Your loved ones , favorite foods. And of course , there's always plenty of color , like the sugar skulls or azucar that add a very festive touch.

S1: And one of the most important elements is the yellow and orange marigold flower , La.

S2: Fleur de se.

S1: Its vibrant color and distinctive scent are believed to guide the souls back to us , marking their path during this special time.

S2: And I think the colorful Mexico is the only place I know that celebrates death with so much color. Um , I'm sure there are others , but I was always very drawn to it. And the older I've gotten , I don't know if I would say I celebrate it like I've never made an altar. Um , however , it's something that I think about not only on November 2nd and third. It's something that I think about often throughout the year , and not to be too overly poetic , but like , I think you can kind of make an altar in your own heart and keep the memories of those people alive. Obviously it's nice to have a physical space. Yeah , but I think it's more important to just carry that with me every day. And the other Martos definitely has has taught me a lot. I've written a lot of music inspired by it.

S1: Um , well , it's funny because , uh , actually , I just realized this a couple of weeks ago that I only started to celebrate and appreciate the other muertos a couple of years ago. As a grown up , I don't think I really appreciated this celebration when I was a kid until now.

S2:

S1: And I realized that I don't want to forget them , and I don't want to forget what they taught me.

S2: Yeah , I love that. That's beautiful. And that's exactly the point of this episode. We visited some special places and really opened up about some memories from our loved ones who left this earthly life.

S1: Our producer , Julio , our editor , Melissa Allen and I. We shared separately some of the lessons that we learned from a special someone. This episode is personal , it's heartfelt , and we hope you enjoy listening as much as we enjoyed reflecting.

S2: A couple of weeks ago , my grandfather passed away. My mom's father , he died very unexpectedly , even though he was quite old. He was 88 years old. He was very healthy , in good , in good spirits , and he fell and broke a very important part of his neck that essentially caused the rest of his body to fall apart. Uh , it happened very quickly , but a couple of weeks before he passed , uh , I started having breakfast with my grandma and him every week , which is something that we used to do when I was really young in Mexico City. But we kind of had stopped doing it over the years and lost a little bit of that frequency of seeing each other. And I'm very glad that we started doing it a few weeks before he passed without knowing. Um , but but on the last or the one of the last times I saw him , he asked me to that the next time I go to the Guadalupe , which is where my brother lives , if I could bring him back a bottle of wine so he could taste what ? What a good bottle of bayou wine , in my opinion. Tastes like. And right now , I'm sitting in front of this bottle of wine that I'd never got to give him the day. The day he fell and broke his neck. I had bought him a bottle of wine from La Rosa , one of my favorite natural wineries. And by you. And , uh , I never got to give it to him , but I brought it this weekend. I'm in Mexico City right now for for a memorial service for him. And I'm going to. offer it to the family so we can kind of all drink it together. We might only get a an eighth of a cup each , but I think just it will be a very nice bonding experience. And um , yeah , something that I , that I being here in Mexico City where I was born , um , and , and kind of being able to witness my grandfather's legacy , um , something I really admired his is his is his work ethic and his commitment to kind of being a provider. Um , he started building these tiny radios , one lot tiny radios. He started building radios in this tiny little room , this kind of , like , garage shack type thing when he was a young man. And he slowly but surely built that up to be a quite big electronics company in Mexico that has allowed him and my mom and my grandma to to travel and , you know , kind of see the world. It's really. It's really an amazing thing to see. And , you know , like any family , like my family had a fair share of drama and conflict. Um , and over the years , a lot of distance between certain members of the family. Um , but something I also really admire about my grandpa is that he. He was always present , even amidst the the difficulties. He would always. Do his best in his own flawed away to to to reconnect and try to connect the family. And now that he's gone , something that I , that I really appreciate that probably wasn't his intention is we we there's there's a new newfound unity and harmony in the in the family. Like it's it's unfortunate how these kind of things bring us together , but I can't remember the last time we were all like , all the cousins , all the sisters , all the everything in one room would love together , like without drama. And that's been really nice to witness and experience what he left us behind. Uh , a really beautiful family that I'm very grateful for. And the extra na mucho quiero.

S1: I am sitting down in my childhood bedroom. Um , it's been almost a year that I moved out of my parents house , and I decided to come today to sit down here and look at the window , Because this window has a view to my neighbor's house. And that is my uncle , my Uncle Choi. Um. My father's brother that he passed almost two years ago. He was my second father , and he was also my neighbor for my whole life. Pretty much. And , uh , he battled cancer for , uh , I want to say 4 or 5 years , maybe. And , um , and when he died. It meant a lot of things because he was my second father. And. Suddenly there was a silence in my house because our houses were pretty much connected , so I could always hear in the mornings when he woke up and when he was taking a shower , because he would always sing in the shower in a great mood. And I knew that was my alarm to wake up. And I always knew when he was taking a shower that it was time for me to wake up and go to school , or go to work or whatever. And when he died , there was just silence. And sometimes when I come back to my parents house , when I come to visit and I sit here in this bedroom. I feel silence. But also I can feel my uncle laughing. I can hear my uncle laughing. And I know that he's here sometimes that sometimes he comes to visit and. And I miss him. I miss him a lot. He was always in a great mood. He was always laughing. He was always making jokes all the time. Even if he knew you his whole life or just. Or he just met you , he was always making jokes. He was always taking care of me and my siblings. Whenever my dad had to go out to go to work , or he had to leave for a few days for work. My uncle would always make sure that we were okay , that we didn't need anything. He would call every day , every morning , at night , just to make sure that we were all okay. And I don't want to brag , but he used to say that I was his favorite niece and he was my favorite uncle for sure. And it's been hard. It's been hard , especially to see my dad because he was so close to him. Um , I want to say they would call each other pretty much every day , and if they didn't call each other , they would just go outside to the patio and talk to each other because our houses are connected. There's literally a door that connects to his house , and it's been hard. But also , I know he's always gonna live here in our hearts with everything that he taught us. The way his way of going through life was very unique , was very positive and always looking forward for the best. Even if things were just falling apart and there was just shitty chaos everywhere , he would always be calm and he would always say , everything's gonna be okay , everything's gonna work out. Don't you worry about a single thing. And I think that's the reason why I'm not worried that he's not here anymore. I'm just happy. And I feel so blessed that he was in my life. And that one day I'll get to see him again. And. Yeah.

S3: It's hard to find a pair of eyes that allows you to look right into your soul. Eyes that when you meet their gaze , they immediately give you peace and calm. I was fortunate enough to find those eyes , but I only had the joy of seeing myself in their reflection for five years , some of the best years of my life. His name was Apollo. And yes , I'm talking about a dog , not a person. When Apollo enter a room , he turned heads. He was handsome , a true gentleman with strong personality. I'm talking about an £120 Rottweiler. He could seem intimidating , but after just a few minutes , he'd show his good heart. My life revolved around Apollo. I would wake up to shower of kisses , and he'll sleep right by my side. Always happy. Stretching out his paws for me to scratch his belly. We'll go for walks and then back home. I'll prepare my coffee right next to him. Apollo became my emotional anchor , especially as I went through personal challenges and different abrupt changes at work. when the pandemic hit. As the world grew distant , Apollo and I grew closer. I didn't have to leave him alone all day for work anymore. His presence now filled my days at home. But in February 2022 , Apollo started showing strange symptoms. He began throwing up his food and he was too tired to walk. We took him to the bed and after some X-rays , the vet discovered a strange object that was in his intestine. They told us he needed emergency surgery to open up his belly and remove the object , blocking his digestive system. After hours in the operating room , Apollo came out with his usual optimism , ready to head home and recover under careful watch. But after a few days , he started showing serious symptoms again. He didn't want to eat and he couldn't relieve himself. His belly was swelled up as it was about to burst. When we took him back to the bed , he confirmed that he had a gas leak in his intestine where he had been operated on. They had to open him again to repair that leak and release the trapped gas. Without a second thought , we left them at the bed , hoping he'll come back to home. But that didn't happen. After several hours , I received the worst call of my life. The bed told me that Apollo hadn't made it through the anesthesia and he had passed away. My life changed in that instant. I started struggling with sleepless nights , panic attacks , and an unbearable ache in my heart. I started therapy to process his loss and face a deep depression. So much of my happiness in my life had been rubbed upon Apollo. Through other therapies , I learned to say goodbye to him in my subconscious to thank him for all the years of happiness he had given me. After he passed , I learned the profound meaning of true , unconditional love. A love that never judges you , that never ask for anything , only a love that wants to see you and be with you. Animals come into our lives to teach us something we've never experienced before. And he taught me that what I felt like to be loved without judgment or expectation. Today , two years after his passing. I'm lucky to have one of his grandsons , a Rottweiler puppy , who , without knowing it has helped me , healed a hole that Apollo left in my heart. I know I'm not supposed to replace him , and every dog has its own personality. But still , I feel that Apollo is always with me. Sometimes I see him in a rainbow or in a hummingbird. Little signs that tell me he's always there by my side.

S4: Mr. Andrew. Hi. Hi. Elmo's going around Sesame Street , checking in on everybody.

S5: The other day , someone in social media shared a Sesame Street segment that really moved me. It featured the British actor Andrew Garfield with Elmo. Elmo tells Andrew he's checking in on friends , so he asked Andrew.

S4: So Elmo wants to know how Andrew is doing.

S5: To which Andrew answers with the contained sadness.

S6: Well , I'm doing okay , you know. Yeah.

S5: And Elmo , being Elmo , noticing his sadness , followed up with a question.

S4:

S6:

S5: To which Andrew response ? You sure you.

S6:

S4:

S5: And for the next minute I'd turn into a teary mess listening to this man's grief.

S6: I'm just thinking about my mom today. You know , she. She passed away not too long ago.

S5: You see , like Andrew , I also lost my mother not so long ago. Last December , three days after her 67 birthday and five days before Christmas. And if you had someone you love tragically taking from you without a heads up. Then I don't have to explain to you the whirlwind of emotion that follows the constant arm pinching to see if you're in a nightmare , the wall punching and yelling into the pillow , the constant barrage of I should have done this , or why didn't I do that ? The sleepless nights staring into the ceiling or the self-destructive choices that often follow. But thankfully , there's grief , which is kind of hard to explain. But it's like day old room temperature , stale black coffee. It tastes terrible , but gives you that buzz to push through whatever you're doing. And yet you keep drinking it because you need the push. The memories , the good moments , the laughs , the hugs , the kisses. All those things to help you keep going. But then the overpowering bitter aftertaste sets in , reminding you that you will never get those hugs or kisses again. You are never ready to build your first Dia de Los Muertos altar. Especially the first year after losing someone so close to you. But there is some saving grace in building it with family. Carina , my younger sister , helped me put the altar together.

UU: It's good. It's good. On our way to get some stuff for the Muertos. It's our first year , so it's a little rough , but it's going.

S5: We checked in with each other as we headed to Tijuana to buy the things that we needed to build the altar.

UU: Whatever is needed , what's needed I think we'll need is just to find obviously more flowers and marigold marigolds. Yes , that's my wood shavings. Salt. Rock salt instead of sage. Suddenly we have candles and the rest is just laden with these lovely lights. Yep.

S7: Coca-Cola has a couple cigarettes. Yeah.

S5: Yeah. Algo is the public market where everyone in Tijuana goes to find typical Mexican ingredients , arts and crafts , kitchen tools and souvenirs. It was packed with shoppers and tourists all around. In the middle of the market was a gazebo , and in the gazebo was a room sized Dia de Los Muertos altar , which you can appreciate as the cover art for this episode. We looked around and eventually found a store that had most of what we needed. Among the list of items , we were searching for scrap like table covers and epitaph or a straw Man , which we paid but almost forgot to take with us.

S8: Como es la senora ? Gracias. Como la signora ? Puede. With nothing.

S9: Better to.

S8:

S7:

S8: El cajon de la Ikea. And.

S7: And.

S5: We also got papel pickle , which are those colorful rice paper decorations with perforated designs you see hanging on typical Mexican festivities. We also got some candles and some table covers. We picked up the simple sushi flowers from the flower bodega at Ocampo and Sixth. As we made our last stops for the items that my mom enjoyed before heading to her house. A couple of Coca-Cola's chocolates and three loose cigarettes. Once we got back home , we began putting the altar together. We moved furniture and arranged some things on top of each other , and it slowly began to take shape. The bright colors , the candle , the offerings , along with the pictures of my mother and those of my grandmothers. The scent of the flowers perfumed the entire house. You were just missing the guardian dog. We couldn't find a hairless tortoise quickly , but we did have a big nose snoozer meandering around the house. Come here. Let's go. We need a dog for the altitude.

S10: I don't care if you don't want to. You're part of the altar. Rocco.

S5: Rocco. Our family dog was not too keen on filling in that vacancy. Guardian dog or not , everything looked beautiful. We took a bit of sorrowful pride in what we did and hoped in our hearts that our mom loved it. Remembering her is bittersweet. You see , glass years of my mother's life were complicated. A six year battle with depression , addiction , loneliness and the Sisyphean effort to reinvent herself after the end of a 30 year marriage. But beside those difficult circumstances , there was so much joy in her life. I remember her smiles , her dancing , her awful singing. Her eagerness to bring our family together for whatever reason , and her unrelenting fighting spirit always looking to persevere no matter what. She fought for her three children and even fought for her marriage until its bitter end. I'm not a believer in the afterlife , but I want to believe that she somehow persists. I guess I do , because I'm reminded constantly of her. I almost feel like I can hear her voice calling me at different points of the day. Hola.

S11: Hola. Hola , pollito.

S5: Like when I'm hungry , as she would always invite me for lunch at her house. Architect.

S11: Architect. Dito aqui vamos a comer , amigo.

S5: I also try to see her in the little things she used to do. Like when I over sugar my coffee once in a while , or when I misplace my keys , or when I'm rushing to translate a port of entry episode.

S11: Podcast para escuchar Laurita.

S5: She is the reason why Port of Entry has episodes in Spanish. Those things make me feel closer to her. For me , Dia de Los Muertos is that chance to switch that stale black coffee for a freshly brewed coffee , to replace that bitterness with that sweet taste of her memories and the colorful aroma of her Paloma Picasso fragrance that comes every time I think of her , I hope this grief never leaves me. And if it tries to , I'll just over sugar my coffee or smoke a cigarette. I love you mom , and will never stop missing you.

S1: The ones who love us Never really leave us. You can always find them here in your heart. Amen.

S2: Amen. Very true. And I'm pretty sure I've heard that in the Harry Potter movie. Yeah. Yes.

S1: Yes. Sirius Black baby.

S2: A reference for all our fellow Harry Potter nerds. But it's true. And it's a beautiful thought to carry.

S1: And if you're going through a grieving moment , we know sometimes words are not helpful at all.

S2: But in this episode , we hope you find a small glimmer of light , a bit of warmth that can offer some support through the darkness. Grief is a journey , and it's different for everybody. But maybe one day , like us , you're able to share with someone a big lesson you learn from that person who may not be here physically anymore.

S1: But will always live within you.

S2: This episode of Port of Entry is dedicated to our producer , Julio Ortiz Franco.

S1: In loving memory of his mother , Blanca.

S2: We also dedicate this to all our loved ones who've passed on. This episode was written and produced by Natalia Gonzalez. Adriana Villalobos technical producer and sound designer. This episode was edited by Elena Gonzalez , Lima Brandao and Melissa Sandoval.

S1: Lisa morrissette is director of audio programming and operations.

S2: This program is made possible in part by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting , a private corporation funded by the American people.

S1: This project was also made possible with support from California Humanities , a non-profit partner of the National Endowment for the Humanities. Visit call home. Org.

S2: I'm Alan Lilienthal.

S1: And I'm Natalia Gonzalez. Nos vemos pronto.