S1: It's time for Midday Edition on KPBS. I'm Andrew Bowen in for Jade Hindman. October is national domestic violence awareness month. We're looking at how San Diego is giving voice to survivors , its midday edition , bringing you conversations that keep you informed , inspired , and make you think. A new exhibit at the Oceanside Museum of Art looks to broaden the view on domestic violence as more than just a women's issue.
S2: This exhibit really is about bringing light to and offering space for not just awareness , but conversations surrounding the intricacies of intimate partner violence.
S1: Plus , a chat with District Attorney Summer Stephan on how San Diego County is helping survivors escape their abusers. That's ahead on Midday Edition. In the United States. Nearly 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men experience severe intimate partner violence , or IPV. The centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines IPV as abuse or aggression that occurs in a romantic relationship , but it can be considered an invisible epidemic , often happening behind closed doors and manifesting in insidious ways. A new exhibit at the Oceanside Museum of Art seeks to broaden the perception of intimate partner violence and honor the stories of survivors called My Intimate Partner. The exhibit shows how intimacy , power , and control can intersect and lead to domestic violence. I'm here with three guests who contributed to this exhibit. Lisa Bryson is one of the featured artists. Lisa , welcome.
S3: Thank you.
S1: And also with us is visual artist Taryn. My Taryn , welcome to you. Thank you Andrew. And finally Jessica. Yaffa. She's a certified relationship coach and president of No Silence , No Violence , a local nonprofit dedicated to breaking the silence around domestic violence. Jessica , it's great to have you on the show.
S2: Great to be here.
S1: Domestic violence or intimate partner violence can be seen as a women's issue first and foremost , but this exhibit really wants to broaden the view of this issue.
S2: It's not super public facing. We don't talk about it enough in our communities. And so this exhibit really is about bringing light to and offering space for not just awareness , but conversation surrounding the intricacies of intimate partner violence , the ways in which it affects us on so many levels as individuals , families and communities and really wanting to ensure that we bring to light something that can live in the dark in such a way that it just contributes to the shame that exists for so many of us who have experienced domestic violence.
S1:
S3: And so she started just talking to me about the possibility of being in her show , what she was wanting to do. She asked me if I felt it was something that I could connect to , and so we just had a really honest conversation and I said , yes , I connect totally , 100%. It's something that I experienced in my own life , and my work tends to kind of be examining that state of being , examining the personal things that we are challenged with in our lives. And so I was more than happy to be a part of the exhibition.
S1: And , Trin , you've also been a part of many exhibits in the past.
S4: I do a lot of work about healing and lineage inheritance , whether or not it's traumatic or triumphant. Um , and I thought , you know , it's important for me to stand with these people , with these survivors. Um , and then I thought , what if I what if I approached it as I do a lot of my artwork as it is a very spiritual practice. I wanted to create this visual prayer for the ones who are still entrapped , for the ones who are seeking courage to stand up for themselves or to flee. And just out of thanks for the survivors. So as I started working on it , all of these memories started surfacing and I realized I had so much connection to domestic violence like friends that I knew in the past , and it just opened up this entire window for me that I don't know if it was intentionally forgotten or subconsciously , but I was really sitting there sinking into this trauma with these people , so extremely grateful for the opportunity to stand with with our community members.
S1: Lisa , I wanted to ask you about the piece that you have contributed to this exhibition. It's a three paneled artwork called inaudible. Can you describe what it looks like for someone who's listening right now , and what you wanted to convey with this art piece ? Gladly.
S3: So it's a triptych. So it's three panels and there's large mouths , cavernous mouths on each panel , and you kind of are confronted by the middle mouth first. There's missing teeth. It's very dark , lots of mark making. But to really understand the work , you kind of want to come in from the left , the first panel on the left. And it's as if you're going through this really dark , almost like a carnival ride. And so you're you're being caught up in this mouth and you travel through the middle mouth. And then as we come through , we come to the right and there's still another mouth that we're exiting. But on that panel , there's much more white space available to it. There's still darkness. There's still the marks. There's still this aggravation. There's still a large open mouth. But now we're moving into a white zone. And it's kind of saying , you know , you may be in the first panel , you may be in the second panel in your life , or you may be willing to go into that third panel and address the darkness , address the violence that's in your life , and choose to be victorious , choose to escape and come out of it. And that's what the last panel is about , is is seeing a way out.
S1: I'm looking at the image right now and something that strikes me as I see this tension in this , you know , emotion in these mouths. I can't tell if it's from fear , if it's from anger or aggression.
S3: I was given the opportunity to , first of all , the physical , actual space to work large. And I was coming to terms in my own life dealing with the issue of abuse , and I wanted to make work that addressed it on my terms , in my voice. And so there was a place of fear. There was a place of pain and sorrow. I think that all of these emotions come along with that experience of being victimized. And so I was putting it all out there and letting it be exposed , letting myself be exposed. Because when you do make work like that , you are putting yourself out there and you're opening yourself up to all kinds of reactions. And so I had to make sure I was prepared for it. So it was very freeing in a lot of ways , but it was also a very kind of scary place to be. Yeah.
S5: Yeah. Wow.
S1: Uh , Jessica , I'd love to pull you in here. You were part of a sound installation that people can walk through and participate in. In this exhibit.
S2: You shared some statistics when we opened the program and talked about the fact that 1 in 4 women are experiencing some form of severe what you identified as severe intimate partner violence , 1 in 7 men , Those of us who work in this space and who are also survivors , recognize that the likelihood that the numbers are actually far greater than that is pretty significant. And and often we clump emotional or psychological abuse into what we identify as sort of less severe. And yet , for those of us who have experienced it , for those of us who work in this space , recognize that the trauma and the scars that exist in the experience of psychological or emotional abuse are really , really heavy and require a lot of healing. And so the intention behind this dark room , if you will , and the script that was put together in order to create an opportunity to have some experience in bearing witness to the kinds of spaces that those who are experiencing psychological or emotional abuse are living in , was to , first and foremost , really help those who were participating in the exhibit. Understand the insidiousness of emotional and psychological abuse that there aren't black eyes , broken bones , bruises , and yet the ways in which emotional and psychological abuse take power over an individual can be very insidious and also really impact our lives in ways that can often be indescribable. And I think the second being really supporting viewers or visitors in having the opportunity to understand how and why it happened sort of over time and in a way that a survivor may not recognize and feel really confused by with. Then at sort of the end of the script , having the opportunity to really see and experience the ways in which there is this intention to maintain or reintegrate into connection , that can also be very compelling and keep us sort of stuck in the cycle.
S1:
S2: And so the intention , no matter what we're talking about , and certainly when we talk about emotional or psychological abuse , is to maintain power or control over an intimate partner or a former intimate partner. When we hear certain messages over time , no matter who we are , our background , how educated we are , what we look like , how much money we have , the kinds of families we come from when there are certain messages that are ingested over and over and over again , we begin to believe them as true. And so when we are living in environments where we are told in any number of ways that we are helpless , that we are worthless , that we are stupid , that we are unlovable , that when we perform imperfectly or make a mistake , that we become undeserving of love or deserving of punishment , Our brain and our nervous system begin to believe those things as true. And so when we are living in a space where those messages are on repeat , and we are also often isolated , which is another sort of part of the dynamic that often exists in abusive relationships. It means that we also don't have a lot of outside influence countering that story. And so that story begins to take over , and in a lot of ways , affects not only how we show up in the relationship , but how we show up in all parts of our life.
S1: Trin , I'd love to talk to you about your work in this exhibit. It's called Broken Tattered Healing Hole.
S4: I'm thinking about the process throughout the healing. So , um , the broken bones. Um , there's some bound bone onto splints of branches that actually still hold life , smudged with lichen , bound with medical tape. My grandmother's threads. Um , in another , smaller wooden panel. Um , there is a figure that's painted , crouched , um , holding the weight of the trauma on her shoulders. So there's multiple panels with all of these burials. So there's , um , multiple layers of gauze in one of them. And I was studying the healing process of a bruise. And these panels , um , they're , uh , dispersed on the wall , but then they're connected by this red cord. Um , thinking about , um , how we go about disrupting this continuity.
S1: You know , you mentioned earlier that you drew from the lived experiences of your loved ones.
S4: It had been so long , and I feel like the heart can only hold so much because it was an intentional putting aside. These are very serious issues that have happened to women that I love , and women who I might not still be in contact with , but I still love the same. I had heard stories of one of my friends being awoken to cigarette burns on her arm , and then I had gathered these cigarettes from another friend because she was trying to quit smoking. And so I wanted to do a project with them and give them back. But I had these cigarettes. And so I was , as I was forging through the studio , I found these cigarettes and I thought I connected the two stories. These women from different generations , different backgrounds , different areas of the world. Um , so it was a very difficult project to work on. Um , but I'm , I'm just very honored to be able to help tell their stories , even if I can't mention their names. The intention and the love for them is within the piece. So I'm just I'm extremely honored to have helped share some of these stories.
S1:
S4: Uh , but I feel like there's a lot of times the focus is more on the inherited trauma and less Unless on the inherited strength. Or maybe it's not less than. Maybe it's just we don't talk about it as much. Um , but because I do a lot of work about , um , war and healing , um , as the daughter and the wife of Vietnamese refugees , it's so important to recognize that we do hold this inherited strength to get us through the trauma. It's hard for us to to remember that this courage is inherent within us when we are going through the suffering that is so difficult to do , and art helps us do that. So it's important that we hold them in the same hand.
S1: Coming up , we continue the conversation about how my intimate partner honors survivors stories and looks to a future of healing.
S3: It takes really brave people to stand up and say , all right , I'm going to break the cycle. It's not easy to do. And I want to encourage anyone , if they are in a difficult situation , to take those first steps.
S1: Hear more when KPBS Midday Edition returns. You're listening to KPBS Midday Edition. I'm Andrew Bowen , filling in for Jade Hindman. I'm here with artists Lisa Bryson and Trinh Mai and Jessica Yaffa , relationship coach and president of No Silence , No Violence. We're talking about My Intimate Partner , a new exhibit currently showing at the Oceanside Museum of Art. Jessica and Lisa , you both have had personal experiences with this issue. I'll let you decide what you're comfortable sharing , what you may want to keep to yourself. But Jessica , you first. You wrote a memoir about this.
S2: I am a survivor of domestic violence and sexual assault. My ex-husband served a 21 year prison sentence. He was just released just about two years ago. I was a very young woman at the time of his incarceration , with a toddler in tow , who was born into this family system , and it has been a very long journey for myself and for my now adult son who have walked this journey together. And now , now that he's an adult , is walking his own journey and I continue in mine and this project , along with the work that I'm so fortunate to be able to do day in and day out , continues to just be a reminder that healing is not linear. Yet I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to use not only my professional background , but personal experience to really make a difference in the lives of those who are still suffering , as well as in different parts of their journey.
S1:
S3: And so when I went into a marriage relationship , uh , that kind of abuse continued on. It wasn't a physical abuse. It was more on the the subtle end , where it was more the manipulation of your thoughts , your emotions , your self-worth. And I realized late later on that who I was was disappearing and I was trying to appease that individual. And so I knew I had to take myself out of that relationship. So that's , I think , important to realize too. If I could just share for a moment that it does tend to be something that's generational. Um , you are sometimes introduced to it in childhood and don't realize that you then carry it through into your adult life , and it takes really brave people to stand up and say , all right , I'm going to break the cycle. It's not easy to do , and I want to encourage anyone , if they are in a difficult situation , to take those first steps and to look for help and and seek help.
S1: What are some of the misconceptions that some of us might have around intimate partner violence ? Domestic violence ? Lisa.
S2: So I would say the first misconception is that many of us have or are experiencing or certainly know someone who we love and care about , who has or is experiencing some form of relationship abuse. And we have an opportunity to really educate one another around all that constitutes relationship abuse or relationship violence. And I think the next is that , of course , that it only happens to women , that this is a male against woman kind of problem. And while statistics tell us that those who identify as females certainly are experiencing this more frequently , we also know that there are men that absolutely experience all forms of relationship abuse , and those who are in same sex relationships and or nontraditional relationships are experiencing it , sometimes even at higher rates , because there's already such shame and stigma around the dynamics of their relationships and how how little support they feel like they have in general.
S1:
S2: So first and foremost , when we come into relationship feeling whole , connected to ourselves and clear about what we're deserving of and what it means to be a person of worth or value. The risk of either entering into , and certainly staying in a relationship where there's any component of abuse drastically reduces. And so one way in which we're able to really ensure that we're building communities where the little ones , as well as those who are growing into adulthood , are engaging in healthy relationships is by modeling healthy relationships ourselves , as well as ensuring that the folks who are around us don't feel like there are any. There's nothing that they have to do in order to be deserving of love , connection , affection , and there's nothing that they can do that becomes undeserving of love , connection and affection. And when we are engaging in relationships where there is unconditional positive regard for one another , we greatly diminish the likelihood of these sorts of cycles continuing.
S1: Tran , you talked earlier about how this is something you've seen loved ones go through and experience , and it seems like the process of creating your art is very much valuable to you , that there's a lot of meaning into not just what we see on the on the wall , but the process of creating it.
S4: For some reason , I just I felt like I was standing with people who I didn't know. And as I began working , um , it was very heavy to return to these specific ones. So their stories would resurface. And the way that I have shown my love most effectively has been through art. So it was kind of the natural way. It was very strange to be working with these very specific materials too , because I felt like I was helping mend them. But then when I was using the cigarettes to burn the paper , it also put me in the position of the perpetrator. So that was very odd. I wasn't expecting it to be. I knew it would be emotional , but it was. It wasn't until I started thinking about specific ones in my life that it became very heavy. Um , and the figure that started off as myself , because I am a model that's always available. It ended up becoming them. And so then it became us. And so that's what I really loved about working with this piece is yes , it's it's my hands and my name might be on the label , but really , like , I can ask , whose work really is it ? Because it is these stories that is fueling the work and inspiring the work stories of people who I hadn't even met yet. And so then it moves from being my work to ours , which is so beautiful to be able to do this together and heal together.
S1: Lisa Tran was talking about how healing is such an important theme in her work.
S3: I tend to stand more in the confrontation aspect of it. I like to confront the issue first so that we can get that conversation going , and then through the talking and through the understanding of the manipulation of materials and media and what's going on in the work , and having maybe an artist statement or something available to be able to read is then we can open up that conversation. And that , I think , is the healing place. When that dialogue starts to take place and we are open and the people listening are open , and then we're able to kind of level out the field there and say , okay , let's really look at this issue. Let's really talk about it. And that's what I think Art does. Is it just because it's visual and and it's making us think on a different level , and it's making us interact in a way that we don't in everyday life. And art is just that great vehicle for doing just that.
S1: This question is for all three of you. What do you want people to ultimately take away after seeing this exhibit ? Lisa , we'll start with you.
S3: I want them to take away that it is it is an issue that we need to really bring to the forefront , and we need to. I know I've said this before , but we need to be courageous. If you're a victim. Be courageous. If you're a family member , take hold of the person that you know is in this relationship. Just I want this exhibition to change lives or at least get the ball rolling.
S1: Taryn , what do you hope people take from this exhibit.
S4: To add to what Lisa just said ? Whatever they're going through , I hope that they would recognize the courage that is within them. Um , and that they know that there's an entire community of people waiting for them and waiting to help and support them and nurse them back to to life.
S2: Jessica , I would say twofold. First is to support those who are or have experienced any form of relationship violence , to feel just a little less alone , and to call our community to recognize and understand the role that we all have , the responsibility that we all have in no longer allowing this to be kept secret , and to ensure that we all feel a collective responsibility and showing up as safe spaces for those who are hurting.
S1: Well , thank you all so much for sharing your stories and your insight on this very important issue. I've been speaking with artist Lisa Bryson. Lisa , thank you.
S3: Thank you so much.
S1: Fellow artist , Trin. My thank you for joining us.
S5: Thank you.
S1: Andrew and Jessica Yaffa , relationship coach and president of No Silence , No Violence. Thanks to you as well.
S5: Thanks for.
S2: Having me.
S1: You can see my intimate partner right now at the Oceanside Museum of Art. The exhibit is open from now until March 16th , 2025. Still ahead , a chat with District Attorney Summer Steffen , about the impact of domestic violence on the entire community and how the county is supporting survivors.
S6: Domestic violence doesn't discriminate. We have doctors , lawyers who are victims , police officers who are victims , every profession , every field and every socioeconomic color , gender orientation.
S1: KPBS Midday Edition returns after the break. You're listening to KPBS Midday Edition. I'm Andrew Bowen , filling in for Jade Hindman. As we mentioned , October is National domestic Violence Awareness Month. San Diego County is involved in many efforts to support survivors across the region. I'm here with San Diego County District Attorney Summer Stephan to talk about what's being done at the county level , to bring greater awareness to intimate partner violence , and how the trauma from those incidents can ripple into the community. Summer Stephan , welcome back to Midday Edition.
S6: Thanks for having me.
S1: So you spearheaded the effort to create one safe place which is based in San Marcos.
S6: It was a dream to open it because we saw that the numbers in North County , with regard to domestic violence and especially domestic violence homicides , was disproportionate to the rest of the county. And we couldn't explain it because we had the same DA's office that is passionate about protecting victims. We have great law enforcement agencies , but what we discovered is the North County is such a large region , but not enough resources for prevention and intervention. So we wanted to create something that will stop the cycle of violence before it turns deadly , and it's really exceeded our expectations. The need was tremendous. People started walking through the doors. We helped them in every way possible. It's essentially a one stop shop picture , like if you're trying to make a dinner recipe and you have to go to 20 different places to get that dinner done , you would just give up. This is just like a short way to explain how victims feel. They give up on having a safe life because it's simply too difficult to try to get all of the services they need to escape that cycle of violence.
S1: So it's been about two years since one safe place opened its doors.
S6: About 2500 of them are little kiddos children in tow because domestic violence impacts the whole family. It. It doesn't stop with the actual person getting abused. Children are involved. They hear it , they start the trauma cycle. And what we find is they end up being potentially victims in the future at a higher rates , or even abusers because they normalize abuse. Um , it's been an incredible journey , but I think the number that I am most proud of and tells me that the services provided and the people that are there are making a difference is that half of those 6200 or so have come back on an average of five times. That means they've made it a home for themselves. They keep coming back to complete the cycle of the services that they need , and to live the life there. They deserve. Every human deserves to be safe and dignified.
S1:
S6: Call police for help. That is a tremendous understatement , but we can just begin there. We're talking about 17,000 human beings that are affected by domestic violence , to the point that they are calling police for help. But we know that shame , bonds of love or what they think is love , family ties , not wanting to leave their children , abusers who threaten deportation , they threaten economic deprivation where the person may feel that it's between being homeless or suffering violence. All of those things keep people from calling for help. So we know it's a tremendous understatement , but is still such a massive number.
S1: Well , recognizing that really solid data is hard to come by because a lot of this violence happens in the shadows.
S6: We've seen , you know , up and down a few percentage points , but it's been a steady number. The number that is a number that gives us hope that we are on the right track is what we've done is we've thought of this complex issue of domestic violence that really is so compelling , because it doesn't just affect the current generation. It cycles to the future. We've attacked this and combated it from a strong prosecution , holding offenders accountable point of view , but also from the bigger win , which is prevention and protection. What we did is we measured seven years before we really up to our game in terms of providing resources like Family Justice Center. Also providing a protocol that's unified and training for law enforcement on what to do , how to handle these situations so that the victim doesn't give up on the system. Training prosecutors. This is really an exciting number. We saw that our homicides , as a result of domestic violence have gone down by 34% in the years before we put all of these game changer systems in place to after. And then one really tremendous data point is that we use the research that told us that strangulation is the number one indicator of domestic violence homicide , really something not intuitive for people. But if an abuser kicks slaps , those are all terrible indicators. But if they actually put hands around the throat , even if they don't choke them out , even if no major injury results , the chances that that will turn into a homicide is a number one indicator. So we put in a protocol and the strangulation murders went down by 75%. So all of this together is resulting in better , safer environments for our victims.
S1: You were talking about training of police officers when they're entering into a domestic violence situation or responding to a call.
S6: Um , it's everything's okay because she called or he called , and now police are there. Um , it's going to happen again. But for officers to understand that it's not that the the victim is not taking the system seriously. It's the fact that these years of bonds , the shame that having a relationship fail brings about the fact that abusers spend a lifetime isolating victims from their support systems , their families , their friends , and so the victim feels alone. Um , that has helped officers be more present. You know , uh , say , that's fine , but here are the resources that are available and then be able to produce a report that will help the DA's office follow up.
S1: You mentioned that you work with more than 100 providers that that help these victims through the Family Justice Center in North County.
S6: Um , these are very complex situations. But what we have there at the Family Justice Center is a huddle hour every single day , and in that huddle hour , the partners come together and they help bring solutions to these issues together as a community. This law enforcement is very important , and our prosecutors are part of this process. But the community has so many good solutions as well in terms of shelter provision , in terms of bringing peer support , a survivor voice , this is something we've really built on is former victims who become survivors , who then become leaders , and they're able to speak and stand alongside the victims and let them know they're not alone and that they have nothing to be ashamed of , that domestic violence doesn't discriminate. We have doctors , lawyers who are victims , police officers who are victims that you know , to every profession , every field and every socioeconomic color , gender orientation. So they really help explain that this isn't the victim's fault and that to trust the journey and that that the victim deserves a life free from violence.
S1: You talked earlier about the importance of prevention , and I'm wondering about domestic violence offenders. Let's say someone has been convicted. They've served their sentence.
S6: Our society unfortunately still glamorizes violence , bullying. It doesn't really teach our kids about respect , about a relationship , respect. And I think one of the things that really gets to me is even a lot of the media , in terms of movies and Hollywood , they make almost like stalking behavior , appear to be romantic. Um , it it basically glamorizes , uh , not accepting a no , uh , you know , not accepting that there's no consent , not accepting that the relationship is over , but continuing down the line. We haven't sent a very clear cultural message about respect and dignity and boundaries , and that violence is never the way to communicate with another human being or to ever communicate love.
S1: I think we have a stereotype in our society about , you know , the macho , abusive man and the the sort of domesticated victim who is a woman. Of course , we know violence can happen in many different scenarios. It could be in a same sex partnership. There could be a relationship that is mutually violent where it goes both ways.
S6: None of that. We've had victims and perpetrators from all walks of life , different types of relationships , different sexual orientations. Um , you know , a good 15 to 20% of our victims are males , you know , with with women being the perpetrators. So it's it's common. It happens. Yes. The bigger majority are males on females , but it's still a substantial size of victimization that even murders that are really women on men. So it's about sending a message about violence in general. But it is true , though , that we hear from victims that this happened to me because he just loves me so much , you know , he I made him angry because I made him jealous. Um , and almost like the more control , the more which prosecutors , we call it stalking behavior victims. Think of it sometimes because of society's norms as just a really extreme form of love and affection. We know the pattern. The pattern is isolation and control. Then comes the violence.
S1: I mentioned October as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
S6: We celebrated the two year mark and invited all our partners to our Family Justice Center. It's important to note that we have a sister family justice center in downtown San Diego that is run by the city Attorney's office. They do great work and that we're opening one in the South Bay. So we let our community know that there's more hope and places where hope , healing , and justice can really thrive in our community. I'm so excited to open one in the South Bay. We've also partnering this week on a domestic violence event that is a large. And it's with a domestic violence council in order to bring more awareness and information about domestic violence. We're all marking this date , but realizing the fight goes on every single day.
S1: I've been speaking with San Diego County District Attorney Summer Stephan and Miss Stephan. Thank you so much for joining us.
S6: Thank you.
S1: Thanks for joining us. If you missed anything , you can download KPBS Midday Edition on all podcast apps. And don't forget to watch KPBS Evening Edition tonight at five on KPBS television. For more in-depth reporting on San Diego issues. Also join us this Wednesday , October 9th at 6 p.m. for a live webinar discussion on the cross-border housing crisis in the San Diego Tijuana region. Details on our website at KPBS. Org. I'm Andrew Bowen in for Jade Hindman. Bye for now and thanks for listening.
