S1: It's time for Midday Edition on KPBS. On today's show one man's journey with reentry after prison. I'm Andrew Bracken in for Jade Heinemann with conversations that keep you informed , inspired and engaged. One San Diego man's journey with rebuilding his life after prison through a grueling 100 mile race.
S2: The second chapter that when the pain really starts. The third chapter an ultra runner's call that being inside the pain cave.
S1: We hear an episode from the podcast Imperfect Paradise from Las Public Radio on the challenges that come with transitioning into life after prison. That's ahead on Midday Edition. Around 36,000 people leave prison in California and reenter society every year. But more than one third of people released from prison are convicted within three years. Successful reentry depends on many factors , from reliable housing to employment opportunities. It can also mean navigating addiction , mental health challenges , and interpersonal relationships. This hour , we bring you an episode of Imperfect Paradise , the Narrative podcast from Las Public Radio podcast host Antonio Cerrado and lead producer Lucy Kopp follow one San Diego man's journey with reentry through ultra marathoning. Here's Antonia.
S3: It's the middle of the summer 2024. Sister Chicano has been out of prison for two and a half years. He's a former heroin addict , and he's running the San Diego 100.
S2: The first 20 miles. That was the first chapter , right ? Let's call it beginnings. The second chapter. That when the pain really starts. The third chapter. Man. Ultra runners call that being inside the pain cave.
S3: Ultra runners are people who run races longer than the length of a marathon. In this case , 100 miles in the mountains of East County , San Diego. It's a course that takes him through narrow hiking trails , where he might trip over rocks or tree roots , through weather that dips into the 40s at night and climbs over 90 degrees during the day , past the edge of a cliff , up and down mountains , climbing 13,000ft of elevation. To pass the time , he daydreams.
S2: I don't run with my headphones on , and sometimes it gets a little crazy up there. But I figured things out on these runs. I'm making little , little stories in my mind about how I'm alive to be.
S3: Caesar imagines a house he'll have someday. Three bedrooms. Beige walls. No fence. In those stories , seaside is a present. Dad for his daughter. Prison. The place where he spent most of his adult life is a distant memory. And he's sober. Addiction recovery is not uncommon in the ultrarunning community. It's a dangerous sport that requires constant dedication with extreme physical and emotional highs and lows. Society says that running is like an addiction for him , that he's traded an old addiction for a less harmful one. Suicide is on mile 40. He's running down a maintenance road. It's all dust and asphalt. There's some dry bushes around him , but no cover to shade him from the heat. He's alone and it's getting dark.
S2: At this point , I think I've been running for ten 11 hours , and the heat had just drained all my energy. I was so hungry. But being so hungry and thirsty , I couldn't eat. Uh. I couldn't even drink. I was in so much pain. My back is hurting so much , and my legs , uh. And I started thinking , like , man , how am I gonna finish this ? I have 60 more miles to go.
S3: And then say I had to seize it. A rock on the side of the road. It's white and it seems to shine in the twilight.
S2: And it had this little curve to it , right ? It was a perfect rock. So I take my vest off and I put it down , and I go. And I lay in this rock. And I started stretching my back. And I started looking at the sky. I'm looking at the cloud formations , the possibility of not finishing , feeling like a failure all over again. Like I felt totally just defeated at that point.
S3: Running is almost never just about running. It's where your hopes for yourself are mapped onto concrete achievements. Stay sober. Stay out of prison. Finish the race. And if that's how you relate to running , what does it mean if you can't run anymore ? California has the second highest prison population in the country. In 2006 , the state's prisons were so overcrowded that a class action lawsuit led to a mandate to lower the prison population. Ever since we've seen the state shifting towards Decarceration , California voters passed a series of criminal justice reforms. Crime kept declining , so less people went into prison. And then in 2020 , the pandemic happened. The state released thousands of incarcerated people between March 2020 and February 2021 , the California prison population decreased by 23% since 2021. Governor Newsom closed three prisons and has plans to close another this year. That means there's urgent conversations around what happens to people once they get out of prison. A transition known as reentry. A transition that comes with all sorts of challenges like finding housing and work and purpose. A transition that numbers tell us has over a 40% failure rate within the first three years , meaning more than a third of people who get out of prison are convicted in three years. So as California expands reentry programs , the state faces big questions how to support people getting out of prison and how to make sure they don't go back. In this episode , we explore these questions through the story of one man and one race. This is imperfect Paradise. I'm Antonia Sergi , the lead reporter. Lucy Cop takes the story from here.
S4: The last time Cesar got out of prison was January 1st , 2022. He's paroled from Ironwood State Prison in the middle of the Mojave Desert , four hours east of LA , on the border between California and Arizona. His daughter's mother had sent him some clothes. Levi , 501 , in a white t shirt. It's the first time he's wearing his own clothes in four and a half years.
S2: January is a cold. It's a cold month. I remember just like , like , shaking a little bit. And it might have been fear , but I would convince myself that. You know what ? No , it's not fear. I'm not afraid. I'm just cold. We get into this little van with cages on it. It's the only thing different. They don't cuff you up anymore because you're technically a free man. And they drive us outside the gates. Uh , from the prison.
S4: Outside , it's just desert for miles. At this point , Caesar is 33 years old , a self-described heroin addict. He's 61. Bald , usually wearing a baseball cap. It's his third time getting out of prison. And because he grew up in gang life and addiction. He's basically been in and out for the last 15 years. Less than two months after getting out of juvenile hall at 18 years old. He was involved in a robbery. Stolen car. Cocaine. He got two years. Then while in prison , he got four more years for having a weapon. Not long after he got out , he got in trouble again. He was sentenced to four years. Two years later , he was back serving a six year sentence.
S2: Every time I get out , I go back to the same thing. I go back to the neighborhood. On drugs , carrying guns. And within 2 or 3 months , I'm back in jail. Yeah , right. And this time , I didn't want to do that. I thought a lot about my daughter too. I really thought about her and how I didn't want her to go through the things that I went through. Like she was at the forefront of of that decision. Like.
S4:
S2: Like , we didn't have a relationship. We didn't have a connection. And I knew that I wanted something different for herself growing up.
S4: The problem was that Cesar's old life was also the only home he really had for privacy reasons. We're not going to talk much about Cesar's family. He grew up in Shell Town , San Diego. He had family that was in prison , and it felt like no one was watching out for him at home. At school , he felt insecure. He had a stutter in an accent. This one time , when he was nine , he remembers answering a math teachers question. And even though he got the answer right , the teacher made fun of the way he spoke. He said he stopped trying after that. Sometimes he'd play with the neighborhood kids on his street. Sliding down a hill next to his house on a piece of cardboard or shopping cart. By the time he was 12 , he says , he was in a neighborhood gang , along with some of the kids he used to play with. He says he learned how to suppress his emotions. He says he stopped going to school , got into hard drugs , was in and out of juvenile hall.
S2: I don't think I ever had any role models , and nobody ever encouraged me. Like I wasn't even there. I felt sometimes , so why even try ? For me , not receiving that love , that care and man being a 12 year old kid. It's natural that you go seek it elsewhere. People in a gang. We care for each other , and because we're just a bunch of kids that are going through the same thing.
S4: To make this reentry different. Says our nose , he can't go back to his old neighborhood , but he doesn't have anywhere else to go.
S2: There's an emptiness in my chest. Like. Like my stomach is curling up. And I thought about what that was like. What ? What are those feelings , right. And the best way that I could describe it is having too many directions to go to and not knowing which one to take.
S4: Caesar had this family friend who had also been in and out of prison , who told him years ago , if you really want to change your life after you get out , go to Amity. So he decides that's what he'll do. I reached out to the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation , or CDCr , the agency that operates California's prisons and parole systems. They said they provide a comprehensive reentry planning process which connects formerly incarcerated people to various services on the outside. Amity , where Cesar wants to go , offers transitional housing and wraparound services for people who get out of prison. The fact that Caesar learned about Anthony from a family member rather than CDCr isn't super surprising to me. After talking to experts and people who were formerly incarcerated , I've learned there's an information gap when it comes to people understanding their options after getting out of prison. The way people hear about different avenues is piecemeal. People in prison talk about where they paroled last , and transitional programs go into prison yards and advertise themselves. But according to folks I talked to on the ground , there's no comprehensive guide for people that lays out all of their options. So Caesar requests Amini. He says he waits a week at this transitional housing situation , and then he lucks out a bed , opens up and he's on his way. Cesar is taken to Amini's AMD's Vista Ranch location , this five acre campus outside San Diego. There's a lot of outdoor space , trees , a creek. These little houses kind of like a summer camp. But to Cesar , it feels suffocating.
S2: I feel like it was a prison again. Like you guys are putting me back in prison and trying to keep me away from things that I wanted to do.
S4: Instead of being a free man. He's living on campus with 60 guys , sharing a room with six people. He can't have his phone for the first 90 days. He can't have visitors. He can't even go out to the store alone. On top of that , there are all these counselors monitoring everyone. And there's this particular guy that just rubs bizarre the wrong way. The associate director of residential campus at Amity. His name is Oswaldo Torres , But he goes by Ozzy.
S2: He was just this authority figure. I just didn't like the way he looked , I guess.
S4: How did.
S2: He look ? He's just like the older Mexican guy. He has tattoos. I understood that he probably was involved in gangs. Like one of those guys that was in prison and was probably a high ranking member , and he would tell me what to do. So I disliked him from the very start.
S4: The thing about deciding you're going to turn your life around is that's not enough. You also need to know how. So even though Cesar chose Amedee , his way of moving through the world hasn't changed. When he talks to people. He acts tough , introduces himself with his moniker , the name he used when he was active in gangs. He's assigned this kitchen work shift , and he doesn't show up. And he's starting to doubt if it's worth it to change at all.
S2: I was just in this stay. That man. Do I really want this ? And I was like that , I think , because it just made me uncomfortable.
S4:
S2: And for the first time , I didn't think it was fair because this person got me to where I was at.
S4: That's a really interesting way to put it to , because I think you , like , someone could hear that and say , well , this person got you into prison and got you into gang life and got you into drugs. But another framing of it is like , this person kept you alive , you know , from whatever kind of childhood you came from. Yeah. Yeah.
S2: And it's like , I felt like I was betraying that person. And , like , I didn't want to do that because I felt grateful for him , for getting me through. So the most difficult times of my life.
S4: And then there's this incident with Suboxone. Suboxone is a combination of two drugs prescribed for substance use disorders. It blocks cravings and reduces withdrawal symptoms. But if you haven't been prescribed the treatment , there are ways to abuse it to get high. Because of his heroin addiction. Caesar had been prescribed Suboxone. He says he was on a pretty high dose. So what he'd do is siphon some off every day and give it to his roommate in exchange for using his illegal phone. So for weeks , they're making this trade. And then there's a random urine drug test. And Cesar's roommate tests positive. Cesar is called into Ozzy's office. For all its rules , Amity really has two big ones. No violence and no drugs. So this Suboxone thing , it's a big deal. It means that Caesar is in trouble. Like possibly at risk of being kicked out. Trouble.
S1: Coming up.
S2: I was gonna deny everything. And I was just walking in with this. Just confidence. On the verge of arrogance.
S1: It's Elliot's imperfect Paradise on KPBS Midday Edition. Welcome back to KPBS Midday Edition. I'm Andrew Bracken in for Jade Hindman. Today we're bringing you an episode of Imperfect Paradise , a podcast from last public Radio. It's the story of one man's journey with reentry after prison. His name is Cesar Quijano. I'll hand it back to lead reporter Lucy Kopp.
S4: So Cesar is giving his addiction medication to his roommate in exchange for being able to use his roommate cell phone. His roommate doesn't pass the drug test , and Cesar gets called in to Ozzy's office. Aziz , the associate director at M.I.T. , described , like walking into the office. What's your attitude ? Did you , like , have a game plan ? Yes.
S2: I had a huge game plan. I was going to deny everything. And I was just walking in with this. Just confidence. On the verge of arrogance.
S4: It's a small room. Ozzy's desk is pushed up against the wall. So when Cesar sits down , there's nothing between him and Ozzy.
S2: They asked me , did you give it to him ? So I didn't give him anything. I denied it. Are you sure ? Now I'm mad. Like now you're accusing me and you're calling me a liar. Like I'm already sitting my head dead. Either you guys are gonna believe me , or you gonna kick me out.
S5: And he's just aloof , like playing a good set of poker cards and not letting anybody in.
S4: This , of course , is Ozzy. He's a little shorter than Caesar at this point. He's in his late 40s. Short salt and pepper hair. Tattoos from his wrist to his shoulders. His demeanor exudes this practiced calm. And the way Ozzy reacts , it's going to change the course of Caesar's life.
S2: He looked at me , and he just puts his hand up and he's like , hey , that's okay man. That's just where you're at. You can't be truthful. That's where you're at.
S4: Then OSI starts asking questions , but not about the Suboxone.
S5: We could talk from here to the end of tomorrow about what a bad thing he did and get nowhere. Or I could find out how he grew up and relate one with the other so that he could see why he's even doing it. So the conversation starts with , you know , tell me about your mother.
S4: He's not even going to be punished. Instead , this interaction with ozone seems to be turning into some softball getting to know you conversation. So , Cesar , he thinks he got away with it.
S2: I just didn't understand it. I didn't understand it at all. I remember just storm out that room and thinking I won the argument. Well , for me , it's for.
S4: Was that like a turning point for you in any way ? I mean , you walked out and you're like , I won. So maybe it wasn't quite a turning point.
S2: But it was like in a deeper like in a deeper level. That was a huge turning point in my process , because even though I didn't know what to call that , like something happened.
S4:
S2: And at that time , I didn't know what compassion was.
S4: After the office incident , OSI invites Caesar to one of his monthly workshops. There are these pretty intense , week long workshops that happen every month , and it's a bunch of Amity guys and OSI in a room together for eight hours a day , working through their issues. How was Cesar in the very first workshop ? Do you remember.
S5: That ? Yeah. He was aloof. He acted like he had said all his secrets. And none of this applied to him.
S2: I started feeling shame for the first time in my life. Imagine this 33 year old man for the first time in his life. He feels guilty about the things he has done.
S4: Cici remembers feeling shocked to hear men speaking so openly about the darkest things in their past. Ozzie is sharing a lot of his own life during these workshops. He and Cesar actually have a lot in common. Gang life. Addiction. Multiple stints in prison. When he got out , Ozzie went to Amity. So Cesar is starting to understand why Ozzie didn't kick him out.
S5: I was expelled out of my first school in the sixth grade. I was kicked out. You know , my family didn't know how to deal with me. The courts didn't know how to deal with me. In my whole life , I've been getting kicked out. And I think that's one of the mistakes that is easy to get into is it's easy to kick somebody out. And it's work to help somebody figure things out.
S4:
S5: You know , all our prison system is CDCr and California rehabilitation. But for some , it's not rehabilitation. Like you can't rehabilitate. Um , says I take get him and put him to a prior state. For him , it's habilitation. You go from living in a world where vulnerability is a weakness , into a world where the only path to be brave and courageous is to be vulnerable.
S4: Is how you look at Ozzy changing.
S2: By at that point ? Yeah , like little by little. Because not only like is he he's saying all these amazing things , right ? That's that's his life. Like the work that he's asking us to do. He does it with us.
S4: One of the things Ozzy likes to teach in his workshops is the importance of physical health.
S2:
S4: Can you describe that first run ? Yeah.
S2: It was horrible. Like , and I think I , I don't remember if I made sure that he saw me running. I think I wanted him to see me , that I was actually taking his advice.
S4: At this point , Caesar says he's overweight. He's not really prepared , like he's wearing these military boots and he can't even finish a mile.
S2: Well , I couldn't breathe. My legs were burning. I was just out of breath. So I did three laps and I walked the next lap and I committed myself to that. I went back the next day and I still couldn't do a mile. I think it took me like. two weeks. Three weeks just to be able to finish that mile. But then something clicked. Like , now I had a goal.
S4: Now he has this concrete goal he has to achieve every day. And as he runs , he reflects on the stuff he's learning during his workshops. He's making these connections about his childhood. The things that happened to him and how it impacted his behavior as an adult. He starts making these big life changes. He quit smoking. He decides to stop using his gang moniker and starts introducing himself as Cesar. The other big thing about running for Cesar is that it's helping him stay on track with his addiction recovery.
S2: My mind and my body just sync up and I start just seeing things in a different way. Instead of doing the drugs. I go for a run and I feel the same way. If I actually had went and did the drugs , but if I don't have that morning fixed or that morning run , I'm not right. People say that it's an obsession and I think it is. But like , it's keeping me sane.
S4: He's running by himself at three in the morning before work. He's doing these beach runs with Ozzy and other Amity students. By the fall of 2022 , he's done being a resident at Amity , but he's not ready to leave. He becomes an intern there and moves into faculty housing. He starts going to school for his associate's degree , and he's reestablishing his relationship with his daughter near the end of the year. He does his first marathon 26.2 miles. And I feel like that's where a lot of stories about running end , like the marathon , is the ultimate achievement , but not for Caesar. After completing two marathons , he does his first ultra marathon 31 miles. His next race is 50 miles , and then this particular race captures his imagination. The San Diego 100. The San Diego 100 happens once a year in the summer. January 1st , 2023 A year and a half before the race , Cesar wakes up early to sign up.
S2: So the second I sign up for the race , I get the email back. You've been accepted on good luck and signing death waivers. And I'm like , whoa , hold up. You have to sign a waiver saying , yeah , if you die , you're not. Our responsibility is yours. All right. So I signed that and that made it real.
S4: I read over the waiver and it's intense. For example , it makes sure that runners are aware that they may be , quote , exposed to physical injury from a number of natural factors. End quote. These include snow and other hazards on the trail. Lack of water. Communicable diseases and wildlife deaths do occur during ultramarathons. Just a few years ago , 21 runners died of hypothermia during an ultra in China after an unexpected snowfall. To keep things safe , the San Diego 100 has aid stations sprinkled throughout the route , established points along the racecourse where runners can stop and meet up with their crew. Kind of like how a pit crew changes wheels for a race car driver. Cesar is going to have a group of friends and colleagues from Amity waiting for him with things like a change of shoes , snacks and headlamp batteries. And Cesar is going to have a pace setter. In the world of running , a pace setter usually runs part of the race with the competitor to make sure they meet their goal , basically making sure they're not going too fast or too slow. For the San Diego 100. Cesar has to do part of the race alone , but he's chosen to have a pace setter for the last 40 miles. The pace setter has to run behind. They can't carry any belongings. In a lot of ways. They're there for moral support. And Cesar has someone specific in mind. After a full day of running , Ozzy will join Cesar for the most treacherous part of the race. The part that happens at night when you've already practically run the length of two marathons , where you can't see anything except for the pinpoint of light from your headlamp to finish the race. Cesar has to complete it in 32 hours , but he has an even more ambitious goal. He wants to complete it in under 24 hours because that will qualify him for an even longer race he wants to do. Training for the 100 takes a lot of Caesar's time. Every week he's doing strength training. Upper body. Lower body. Five runs that add up to 100 miles. Caesar says his grades at school start to slip a little , and it's affecting his relationships. He has a girlfriend for a while , but things fall apart in part , he says , because he has so little time to spend with her. And when he does see his daughter , he's exhausted.
S2: And when I get tired , I get mean. I go see my daughter. I remember one time we're in a store somewhere , right ? And I got this look in my face , right ? And she looks at me and she whispers at me , you look mad. I'm not baby , I'm not mad. Okay ? Smile. So I give her a smile. And then she explained to me , when you're tired , you just have this frown in your face. I don't like seeing you like that because I think that you're mad.
S4:
S2: I'm not sure.
S4: Caesar says he's going to outsource that decision to his crew.
S2: And like I told him , like , the only way you're gonna stop me from doing this is by either. My life is in danger , or I have a broken bone. Like , other than that , uh. They say I'm too stubborn to stop. I'm all 15 , a little tired. Well , I got a seven. Thousand feet of elevation , so there's a little thinner.
S6: This one's a little hard to breathe. It's starting to get hot. Gotta get used to this elevation. I might end up doing 24 hours of this.
S4: In researching ultrarunning and addiction recovery. I've seen other stories like scissors. Running makes your body release these different feel good chemicals. An addiction replacement is a real thing. Like you trade one type of addiction for something else. One ultrarunning coach estimated that 30% of his clients had struggled with addiction. At this point , I'd been talking to Cesar for months , and it was clear that even though running was so entwined with him staying on track with his reentry and addiction recovery , it was also this disruptive force in his life. And part of me was wondering if he didn't finish the race.
S2: And that's the thing. Like. Yeah , like like I don't know.
S4: I didn't even want to find out.
S2: I didn't even want to find out. Like for a long time. Like I've been a failure. Like I never accomplished anything in my life. So now that I was finally I committed to something like I didn't want to disappoint people.
S7:
S4: It destroyed me. I just can't imagine a hundred. Like , why do a hundred miles ? That's crazy.
S2: And I think that's that's the reason why I wanted to do it. Because it was crazy. People think I actually like running. I actually don't like it.
S7:
S4:
S2: Running ? I don't like it. It's painful. It's uncomfortable.
S7: Do you like that ? Maybe.
S2: Maybe I would like to be uncomfortable. Maybe I like being in pain. And like his life is painful. And I think that's why I do it. I want to know that I'm going to be able to tolerate any kind of pain that's going to come at me , like in the future.
S4: The night before the race says , I can't sleep. He sends me this voice memo.
S2: Been up since like 1 a.m. or something like that. I think it's just the anticipation of the race.
S4: June 7th , 2024 is race day. It's 630 in the morning. The starting line is the same as the finish line at Lake Cuyamaca in the San Diego Mountains. Picture still blue water , conifer trees , a wide open sky. César is one of 256 attempting this race , and about half aren't going to finish.
S2: I remember showing up in a lot of people and they're all wearing their beds. They're all stretching and just looking around like , well , man , it's now or never. Five.
S8: Five. Four. Three. Two. One. There you go.
S2: Some sections were like a single trail. Small little trails for miles. Uh , where you couldn't pass nobody. And you had to be in a single foul line. But as the race goes on , like I. The people start just creating distance between each other.
S4: At first. The race is flying by , but by mile 30. Caesar is in the pain cave. He's done his second to last big climb , running switchbacks up a mountain , and then he hits a wall.
S2: It was jagged rocks coming out of the floor for miles. So for like , an hour , I think I've been walking. I hadn't been able to run because I was hurting so much. I couldn't run.
S4: About 40 miles in the trail. Turns onto a fire road. That's where he sees it. The perfect rock where he succumbs to gravity and lays down. Caesar isn't even halfway through the race.
S3: Lucy Kopp reporting KSAT is still 20 miles from the aid station where Ozzy is waiting for him.
S2: And I started thinking like , man , how am I gonna finish this ? I have 60 more miles to go. And what is the point of all these people ? Like everybody was gonna come. I didn't even feel like I could take another step.
S1: When we come back , how the race ends. For Cesar , you're listening to an episode of The Last Imperfect Paradise on KPBS Midday Edition. Welcome back to KPBS Midday Edition. I'm your host , Andrew Bracken , in for Jade Hyneman. This hour , we're bringing you the story of one man rebuilding his life 100 miles at a time. It's an episode from Imperfect Paradise , a podcast from the latest. At this point in the story , Cesar Quijano is on mile 40 of the San Diego 100 race , and he's basically given up. Here's lead reporter Lucy Kopp.
S4: He's lying on the rock. And then this group of runners jog past. Cesar remembers one in particular. This guy in a red shirt.
S2: And then he. He looks down at me. Are you all right ? I didn't even get up. I just like I'm okay. I will get up and join the train. You're gonna get up and you're gonna join us.
S7: Really ? Yeah.
S2:
S7: They didn't like. They didn't.
S2: They wouldn't. They didn't allow me to stay. Wow. And that's what I needed at that exact moment.
S4: When I asked Cesar about this moment later what it represented to him. He said that's when he realized that this journey he was on. He didn't have to do it alone.
S2: That guy , he picked up my pack , he held me up. And I'm thinking , okay , I'll just go in the back of the train and then I'll fall back when they get distracted because I wanted to go back to that rock. I don't know if he was reading my mind because he said , go in the front. Yeah , you set the pace. I'm like , what ? I would think about those things. He's like , come on. Set the pace for the next seven miles to the next station. I ran.
S4: Around ten at night. CSR gets to the mile 68 station. I'm there with Ozzy.
S7: Hey , how are you doing ? I'm doing good. How are you ? I'm pretty good. Thank you for coming. I'm sorry for making you wait so long.
S4: The vibe of the aid station is like tailgating party meets campsite. People have camping chairs set up. They're all bundled up because it's getting chilly. There's this grill set up with food , and these volunteers are cooking up a storm like quesadillas , lentil soup , the works man.
S7: How are you doing ? Pretty good.
S9: Your head's all right. And everything. Yeah.
S7: Yeah. My body is complaining a little bit. Yeah. You need some new legs.
S4: Like , hours behind. To meet his goal , he says he'd have to run an eight minute mile for basically the next 60 miles. Ozzy refills Cesar's vest with some food.
S5: What do you want ? You want some.
S7:
S5:
S4: Well.
S7: Well. Thank you. See you in the morning. In the morning ? Good. Yeah. All right , man , are you ready ? Rob. Man. Thank you. Thank you for everything. Go get some rest. Let's do. This.
S4: This. Next part of the race is taking place at night. So it's pitch black. The only light is from Caesar and Ozzy's headlamps.
S5: When we took off , he was running at a pretty decent pace. I was after that ten miles. He started to slow down a little. So what I would do is I would run up right behind him.
S2: I felt him behind me the whole time and just just having him there , I think , uh , I pushed it.
S4: They run for over ten hours. Eventually , the sun begins to rise.
S10: So we got this on.
S5: Mount 99 and almost done.
S7: But the other day. Look , I'm so close to the finish line , man , and that's just amazing accomplishment.
S10: All right , we gotta go. We're gonna sprint to the finish by.
S4: Around 11 a.m.. Says I remember seeing the finish line.
S2: Look , At that point , I was just. In disbelief because of this thing that I've been working for for the past year and a half. Like , it's coming to an end. Like right now. I can see the finish line is there , right ? Like all those doubts , like all that fear that I felt the night before. I'm about to do it. I'm about to do it.
S11: Come on. You're almost here. Ah ! Woo woo ! Hello. Hello , friends.
S2: Being able to cross that finish line , it was just something. Happiness is a is the right word. I think it was something better than happiness. Like , because it was more meaningful to me. Just knowing that I've finally finished something that I started.
S4: I remember Cesar could barely stand. He was just holding himself up by his running poles , looking completely exhausted , leaning on Ozzy. I'm wondering , like , what it was like to cross the finish line with Ozzy.
S2: I remember just holding on to him and just just thanking him for everything. He was the first man that showed me compassion. He was the first man that showed me love. He was the first man that showed me what empathy was. It all started with him , not just the running. It's just like my transformation of just my life. Like he's been running with me from the start. Like he's been pacing me from the start.
S4: Cesar didn't finish the race in under 24 hours , but he did finish under the time limit of 32 hours. His official time for running the 100 miles was 29 hours , 16 minutes and 28 seconds. It's been half a year since the race. Since then , Cesar has run a few more ultramarathons. And some of them he didn't finish. But he's been okay. He's figured out that the motivation and sense of accomplishment he gets from running. There are other ways to find that in his life. He's working in Amity. Andy has the goal of starting a running program for a juvenile hall in San Diego. He's a full time student. He says he's graduating next semester with an associate's in alcohol and other drug studies. He's figuring out how to show up for his daughter.
S2: This is my daughter's birthday , and ? And I was able to go over there and surprise her in the morning before she went to school. So I worked her up with her little cake and balloons and stuff like that. And and she said that was her best birthday she's ever had. Like they went before. I never did anything for nobody. I'm learning how to do some of these things because I never done them.
S4: Caesar is still a devoted runner , but when I asked him about his running goals for the future , he says he wants to approach it differently.
S2: I need to find balance. Like , I don't I don't want to go back into that mindset that I was in , and for a long time I thought balance was necessary , but now I understand that it is.
S4: This summer , 2025 , Ozzie and Cesar are running the San Diego 100 again , except this time they're switching roles. Caesar will be facing Ozzy.
S2: And I'm gonna try to do the best job that I possibly can , because I really want him to finish. So , like , just being able to be with him for those 40 miles and just for the first time , feeling that I'm helping , helping him out. But for me , it's not about running anymore.
S4:
S2:
S1: You've been listening to an episode of Imperfect Paradise , the weekly narrative podcast showcasing California stories with universal significance. This episode was hosted by Antonio Circuito and written and reported by Lucy Kopp. For more episodes of Imperfect Paradise , head to LAist. Com. That's our show for today. I'm Andrew Bracken. KPBS Midday Edition airs on KPBS FM weekdays at noon , again at 8 p.m.. You can find past episodes at KPBS or wherever you listen. Thanks again for listening. Have a great day.
