How White Parents Can Talk To Their Children About Racism

June 8, 2020 at 10:09 AM PDT

Speaker 1: 00:00 Speaker 2: 00:32 Speaker 1: 00:34 Speaker 2: 00:42 Speaker 1: 01:21 Speaker 2: 01:28 Speaker 1: 02:29 Speaker 2: 02:39 Speaker 1: 03:04 Speaker 2: 03:27 Speaker 1: 04:26 Speaker 2: 04:41 Speaker 1: 05:23 Speaker 2: 05:36 Speaker 1: 06:02 Speaker 2: 06:26 Speaker 1: 07:00 Speaker 2: 07:08 Speaker 1: 07:35 Speaker 2: 07:38 Speaker 1: 08:04 The national debate right now of a police practices and racial profiling is moving well beyond reform of police practices. It touches every citizen with a reminder of discrimination that has deep historical roots. Every family is faced with tackling how to talk to their children about what's going on, both in the news and in our everyday lives. Joining us to talk about how to talk to our children as dr. Fion VO DAS, professor of clinical psych psychology at San Diego state university Fjord. Thanks so much for joining us. Sure. So how big a problem do you think that attitudes toward race are in this country? Um, well, I mean, I think the protests that we're seeing all of the world reflect the magnitude of the issue. Um, but on a more personal level, I think it's something that I've been experiencing my whole life and, um, you know, we'll continue to continue to experience and it's more than about, you know, George Floyd. It's about systematic racism that exists in our education system, our medical system, and all around us. Um, and so I think now we have the world ears and we can actually take a look at how it impacts all of us and in multiple different settings. And what age do children start to notice race and how can racism develop as they grow up? You know, that's an interesting question. I thought about the first time I realized that I look different than my classmates and it wasn't until someone asked me, why are you Brown? And so I think it happens at a very young age. Um, but really I think what has the most impact is it differential treatment that you can receive as a result of your race? And that's what I'm most concerned about. Even for my daughter, who's seven. Um, you know, I remember dropping her off at school one day and her teacher saying to her classmate, your beautiful blonde Brown, blue eyes and blonde hair. Um, and my daughter, just looking at her and envying, the fact that the teacher was giving her these compliments and realizing that she wouldn't ever receive that, that type of compliment. So, um, again, I think it happens at a young age and the impact of the differential treatment is what I think we need to be concerned about as educators and adults and parents. Well, of course, you know, talking about race and racism mix mix us uncomfortable. What, how young should we start addressing it with, with children? Do you think I'm actually not uncomfortable talking about race? I think there are certain groups are uncomfortable. Um, and I think it's because perhaps they're not impacted as much by by racism. Um, but I think it's our responsibility to start having these conversations with their children when they're young. And it really isn't just about the conversation. It's, it's about modeling for our kids. Exactly modeling. I mean, I would see it's, it's not comfortable to talk about, uh, you know, how low and how you have to be careful around law enforcement, for example, I mean, these are, these are, um, difficult conversations, but you think that it's important to start them like even as young as, as when a child can start to speak. I think absolutely as young as preschool because our kids are receiving messages, whether we recognize it or not, and they are indirect messages, um, through the environment, for example, you know, my, I never had a black teacher and you know, my daughter, there are no black staff at her school. And I mean, from a nurse to a yard duty, there are no black adults at her school. And that sends a message to her, whether we know it or not, that she isn't valued. She, she she's different. Um, and so as a parent, it's my responsibility to explain that to her, otherwise, what can happen? What so often happens is kids start to internalize that and they start to have, um, struggle with their, their identity because they don't see people who look like them and they think what's wrong with me. So it's so important that we start, like I said, as early as preschool, having these conversations, you, you talked about modeling, which of course, you know, I think kids are much more likely to follow what you do rather than what you say. I mean, what are some ways that you can model, um, behavior that would perhaps prevent stereotyping from happening? I think the biggest thing is exposure are white children. Aren't exposed to positive, um, images of black people. And, you know, I would ask the parents out there, has your child ever had a play date with a black child? Has a black person ever been in your house? Does your child have any black dolls? Um, you know, if we aren't exposing them to positive images of black people, and the only thing they see are negative black stereotypes, of course, the first time they interact with someone who's black, they're gonna think have negative thoughts about them versus positive ones. So I think exposure is, is really the biggest thing that we can do. No. The schools used to have what they called sensitivity training to help students become more aware of their own biases. Do you know these programs still going on or have they often fall into budget cuts recently? There, there are no trainings being held at, at my daughter's school. At least I can't talk about every school in the district. Um, I don't think that those trainings are happening, but I also don't think people are aware of the impact of racism on our kids on a very, very young age. And if they did then would start to have these conversations and, um, in the school setting, of course, we've seen that most of us would deny racist being racist. And that showed up in the case of Amy Cooper, the woman in central park who called police because a black man asked her to leash her dog. Um, she apologized, but she said she wasn't a racist. And I think this is common. Why is there such a disconnect between attitudes and self awareness? You know, I actually don't like the term racist because I have, you know, fellow colleagues who are white and I wouldn't consider them to be racist. I refer to it as having a bias, but when you call someone a racist, I think that does assume there's something wrong with you that you are in, you are intentionally trying to talk, do harm to other people. So I really don't like to use that term. And like I said, I would say we have biases. I have biases. We all have biases. And when we can start to have the conversation like that, I think people are more willing to engage. And then there's the question of how to talk to your children about the police? I mean, is there a risk of reverse stereotyping here? Um, maybe, but I would say as a black parent it's it's necessary. I mean, it is life for death and I know that can sound extreme, but for our black boys, especially, we have to have that conversation with them. Otherwise, if they make the wrong move, if they say the wrong thing, um, they could be killed. And even if they don't do anything wrong, they still could receive harsh treatment. Is there anything positive you see about the way things are changing right now? You know, what has been so encouraging to me is seeing all of the protesters. It gives me chills in a good way, because it's not just black folks out there. It is everyone. And that means people are listening and people are ready to make changes if they actually follow through on those changes. That's a different story. Um, so yes, I am very hopeful. Um, in this moment we've been speaking with dr. [inaudible] professor of clinical psychology at San Diego state university. Thank you so much.

By KPBS Public Media

Feion Villodas, professor of clinical psychology at San Diego State University, says parents should start having conversations about racism with their kids as early as pre-school.