Transgender Veteran Fights For Equality In U.S. Military

At the Navy's first official LGBT pride event, a retired Army colonel was a keynote speaker. The pride event happened just after the Supreme Court going on same sex marriage. Many were salivating. Beyond salvation, retired Colonel. Sherry Stokowski's resins reminded the group there were still battles to be one especially for transgender military personnel. We continue our series exploring under transition with the story of Sherry Stokowski, 34 year military veteran who is now working to help other transgender military personnel Sherry, welcome and thank you for joining us . Thank you. Tell us your reaction to the event in a Coronado. The first Navy LGBT pride event. It was a joyous event. It was a celebration of being authentic. There weren't as many people would like to see but we still had between 50 and 65. That's a good start to grow from. I'm sure it will grow every year from here on out. If we can, let's talk about your personal story. You served in the military for 34 years. Why did you join the military? For a number of reasons. My father had served and fought in World War II. He was taken prisoner at the battle of the bulge. It was in my lead and I was looking for something to do. Something that could present a feature for me. When you were a child, did you have the feeling we have been exploring here with some of the younger transgender teens we've been speaking with that something was not quite right? Yes. I knew I was different. Probably as early as age I. I just didn't know what it was called. It took 20 years for me to figure out that I wasn't alone. That occurred in the 1970s when Renée Richards, the professional tennis player transitioned publicly. Was at the first transgender person you had heard of? I'd heard of her many years before but there wasn't information about her so Renée Richards was the first one that had a lot of substance with it. Ings I could relate to. You are a career infantry officer. I was with Wisconsin National Guard for almost 35 years and spent the last 20+ of that on active duty supporting them. I was in the state of Wisconsin. Had a couple of deployments in Europe, I was a cavity commander -- company commander for two years. Your service overall was a good experience? Yes. It's what you make it. I was very fortunate. I had good mentors and coaches along the way. You really need that in a pyramid sort of organization to get to the top and get to be all six if O'Connor. While you are serving, did anyone in the military know you had struggles with your gender identity? No. Not at all. That was a secret I kept for almost 50 years. I deeply suppressed it while I served. That enabled me to concentrate on being that infantry company manager and be the last -- the best leader I could be. What is elect to have to suppress something so personal. It's difficult. I live up with the Army values. Part of that is putting the organization ahead of any personal interests and needs. I deeply suppressed it. I was interrupted very frequently by brief iterations of being authentic where I would go out and purchase clothing and dress as my true self for matter of hours or a day. Then the guilds would set in and I would purge everything and get rid of it until the next time. Some of the transgender people we spoke with talk about periods of depression. Even suicidal thoughts, did you go through any of that? I did not personally. I think part of that was because my military training. Leadership capabilities and things I had been through helped me cope better than some people. You with it through your gender transition after you retired. After waiting so long, what was that like? It was wonderful. I could finally be me. The last 10 years of my life have been the happiest. Du jour family accept the change? Some did, someone didn't. In 2006 when I made the decision, coming back and talking to my family members, I have two brothers and I was married at the time. My wife stuck by me and was very supportive initially. We went to Minneapolis to visit her brother was an attorney who had some big city experiences, had lived in New Orleans and been exposed to the LGBT community. They were there and very accepting. Had the opposite experience with my older brother when I went to see him. My aunt was there as well. It was not a good experience at all. When I came out to them, I still reverse some of the quotes, we won't tell our kids about you. I'll have to protect my grandchildren from you. Some really hurtful things. I'm sure members of the LGBTQH she have heard those other family members also. On that side of the equation, I haven't had contact with him for years. Can you share with us how you try to explain this to your family members? Is difficult to Is difficult to imagine how anyone else feels most of the time. When you talk transgender issues, unfortunately I think a lot of people are still of the opinion that being transgender is a permanent mental illness. That's the stigma we are fighting and have been fighting since the goal committee came together for five years ago to define this as a medical illness that this deserves to be treated. There were negative career consequences that you suffered as well at least initially. Not in the military. Because nobody knew. When I transitioned, I retired about 18 months, had a job offer in Washington DC as a government contractor to be a leader course instructor. I went there, my wife stayed in medicine. That was my tipping point. It gave me an opportunity to be Sherry. I wish Sherry all the time with the exception of when I was in the schoolhouse at the job. In the meantime, I cannot to my family and the school, let them know I was going to be coming back from the next course as Sherry. When I did, it was a wonderful feeling walking into the building as my authentic self to A discussion with the director and his first words were thank you for coming back and helping us with this course, second sentence was we hard your replacement I was basically fired. Not because my skill sets had changed, experiences had changed. Lability to teach changed, just my exterior You with on to work as a senior analyst at the Pentagon so did necessarily slow you down very true. I have to save my experience there at the Pentagon post transition was entirely positive. I was known for the skills I brought to the table, was identified as exceptional performer. I was judged on what I brought and that's the way it should be. We can do that on the civilian side in the Pentagon, we should be able to do that in the military side as well. I think many people may think because the don't ask don't tell what was lifted for gays and lesbians in the military, that would apply to transgender individuals. That's not the case is it? Not at all. Two years ago, I received a letter from the Judy director of diversity and equal opportunity that basically denied our existence in the military. I'm sure he was speaking the policy and that's what he had to. Have made some inroads where we are seeing some progress. It's not quick enough for some of us, because if 15,000+ individual soldier -- active duty serving today and are forced to hide their authenticity in order to serve a country they love. Can you be discharged if you tell an Army doctor that you are struggling with your gender identity? Yes. That's the current policy. There are some very brave souls, I worked with an organization called Sparta. Serviceman partners allies for respect and tolerance for all. They had specifically asked us to appear in uniform at the White House pride celebration. This was just a transgender 20. With four people in uniform. The nice thing about that is one or two of them is currently serving active-duty individual. Commanders out there are trying to work and support the transgender service members, some of them. Some don't want anything to do with them unfortunately. It's a very difficult struggle. Logan Ireland was there. His Air Force people are supportive. They gave him a policy waiver to wearing male uniform to the White House event. Which was wonderful. On the other side of the coin, he spent say is an Army Corporal. and her leadership and command is not supportive. She attended in civilian clothes. Is the Defense Department going to re-examine its policy towards transit gender military personnel? The Defense Department is. I think they're headed in that direction. Army and Air Force has raised the adjudication authority for their transgender soldier to the Pentagon level. The Navy announced on 10 June air considering it but there hasn't been any action to date. We think they're headed down the right path but every day those 15,500 transgender servicemembers spend worrying about whether or not they will be found out and discharged is one day too many. There have been arguments put up to maintain the status quo as it were. They say the same arguments used against gays in the military are being raised that they would disrupt the cohesiveness of the force. What to think of be the result of a change in policy in our military branches on transgender individuals? The individuals themselves would be authentic. Maybe better at their jobs. They beat better performance than they are now. Their teams, for a lot of them it's not a big deal already. They don't care who they are just based on their capabilities and job comments which is what they should be based on. The only thing I think it would require would require a little more education than what DOD did when they left the ban on don't ask don't tell. The training sessions for everybody filtered down to the lowest level. There may have to be some additional medical related information passed on to everybody forever to understand it is a medical issue. This date you think will come in the near future? I'm hopeful that by this time next year, the transgender military band will be a thing of the past. I want to thank you for speaking with us. Retired Army Colonel. Sherry Stokowski.