Celebrating your loved ones can be expensive.
According to the wedding planning company The Knot, the average cost to go to someone's wedding, including travel, accommodation and attire, is about $580. And the average cost to be a bridesmaid is about $1,900.
Attending other milestone events, like birthdays, graduations, anniversaries and baby showers, can also come with a hefty price tag. So how do you show up for the people in your life while also reining in your spending?
The answer is a tricky matter of the wallet and the heart. "Money is emotional," says Jasmine Ramirez Ibeabuchi, a financial therapist and co-founder of By Any Means Coaching, a financial literacy company centered on people of color.
"If your sister is getting married, I'm doubtful you're not going to do what you need to do [financially] to get there," she says.
But with realistic expectations, careful planning and a little honesty, it's possible to stay on budget while maintaining good relationships. Here's how to budget for your social calendar.
Make a list of all the big celebrations you have this year
You probably have a good idea of your loved ones' milestone events this year, so make a list.
For example, you might have your sister's graduation in May, a cousin's wedding in June, your best friend's baby shower in September, a friend's 40th-birthday trip in November and your parents' 30th-anniversary in December. (Big year!)
Create a realistic estimate of how much you will spend at each event
If you're unsure how much things will cost, look at how much you spent on similar celebrations in the past, says financial therapist Chidozie Ibeabuchi, co-founder of By Any Means Coaching. Maybe you spent $150 on a graduation present, $500 to travel to California for another wedding or $50 for a baby gift.
You can also do some research. Look up how much it will cost to go to, say, your cousin's wedding in Los Angeles in June. Airline tickets for two would cost around $1,000. A rental car for a few days, $200. A wedding gift, $100. New outfits, $200. A low-cost hotel for three nights, $400. And that's not even counting food and drink.
If you've got sticker shock from your estimations, see where you can cut costs. Maybe skip the new suit or ask a friend whether you can crash on their couch for a few days.
Create a line item for activities in your annual budget
Along with housing, transportation and food, you should have a line item for activities in your annual household budget, says Ibeabuchi. That includes all the parties and weddings you hope to attend in the year ahead.
Let's say that number is $5,000. But after doing the math, you quickly realize that's not enough money to cover your social calendar.
That wedding trip to Los Angeles, for example, will take up a big chunk of your activities budget for the year. Something's gotta give. What do you do?
Gracefully decline the invitation — and find other ways to get involved
If you can't afford to accept a loved one's invitation, it's possible to decline without damaging your relationship. Experts offer a round of advice.
Let that person know as soon as possible, says Myka Meier, the founder of Beaumont Etiquette. People may have a second- or third-round invite list and are waiting for RSVPs to come in to see whom else they may potentially have room for.
When you offer your note with regrets, make sure to express genuine thanks. "Just saying how grateful you were to be invited is a nice way to start," says Meier. Remember: Your loved one "wanted you there. So reciprocate that emotionally."
Even if you're not attending the event in person, consider sending a gift — especially for a wedding, says Meier. It doesn't have to be super-fancy or expensive. And don't forget, the cost of the wedding present doesn't have to cover the cost of your plate.
Find other ways to get involved. If you can't be there but wish you could, offer your time or resources to help with planning instead, says Ramirez Ibeabuchi.
Invitations are negotiable, says Ramirez Ibeabuchi. If you know you can't afford to go to every wedding event, for example, talk to the groom or bride about which one the couple would most like you to attend.
If you're comfortable, be honest about your financial situation
Depending on your relationship with the person, it might not be a bad idea to go into a little more detail about your current financial situation.
If you have to tell a friend, "You know, I can't make that dinner tonight. I'm saving for my car. How about [I make you] dinner at home?" says Ramirez Ibeabuchi — that's OK. Having open conversations about your finances can help you stick to your budget and remove any shame you might have about not being able to afford anything.
You'll find that most of the time, "friends and family are on board with your financial goals and want to support you in that," she says.
The digital story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
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