As part of our From San Diego, with Love series, we're honored to share heartfelt stories from our community. Every love story has more to tell — this is one of them.
Last year, Kari de Burgh ran into a friend she had known all her life and fell in love. It was a friendship that spanned 62 years, a friend she would see sometimes during different stages of her life. She said her father had passed away after a decade of having Alzheimer’s, her children had moved away and were, as she described, happy and healthy. And her divorce was final.
It was during this time, as de Burgh said, “at long last I fell in love with that one person that I’d known my entire life, and that was myself.”
She said it happened during a weekend last fall when she didn’t have plans and didn’t have to be anywhere. “It was just me.”
“And there was this enormous emotional weight that had lifted from my shoulders. My first emotion was tears — sobbing — and then elation, just pure joy,” de Burgh said. “And I liked being with me, and that was really the beginning of a new love.”
On the moment self-love became real
Not having any plans and not having a specific place to be played a significant role in her journey. The free time also allowed de Burgh to see how much she had let commitments take up space in her mind, and that lack of structure gave her the clarity to focus on herself.
On San Diego’s role in her self-love journey
San Diego has been essential to de Burgh’s growth. Though born in Los Angeles, she moved to San Diego with her family, where she grew up in Scripps Ranch and Del Cerro. Having lived in Ireland and traveled extensively, she now realizes how special San Diego is.
“I think that when you have the opportunity to leave San Diego and come back, you realize how special it is — especially flying into the airport and seeing the boats bobbing on the left of the plane and the water. It’s just really magical,” de Burgh said. “The environment has certainly allowed me to get to know myself better in this beautiful environment,” she added.
On self-awareness and decluttering for a fuller life
De Burgh’s newfound love for herself has sparked positive changes in her life. Self-awareness has helped her achieve balance, and she is gradually reducing material belongings, which has also cleared mental and emotional clutter.
“Creating that space and less clutter, I actually have quality time for those that I love, including — more importantly — myself. But my habits are better, and I have more gratitude towards everything around me, including my surroundings,” de Burgh said.
On the power of loving yourself first
De Burgh offers a different perspective on love than what society often suggests.
“You don’t need to be two souls to be in love. You could love yourself and that could be enough,” she said. Once you find self-love, she believes, you feel so fulfilled that you’re OK being on your own.
“You feel like you’re two souls or one soul is enough,” de Burgh said. “And so Valentine’s Day can be for everyone, regardless of if you’re two or if you’re one.”
On her mother’s words as the soundtrack of her life
For de Burgh, her story isn’t accompanied by a song, but by a soliloquy her mother used to recite to her as a child. Last year, when she had the realization of the power of self-love, her mother’s words were one of the first things she thought of. She said her mother considered it a dialogue with herself, and she recalls the words:
I am the best friend that I’ve got.
I like to be with me.
I like to sit and tell myself things confidentially.
I like to sit and tell myself if I shouldn’t or if I should,
and I find that my advice to me is often pretty good.
I walk with me. I talk with me. I tell me right from wrong. I never knew how well myself and I could get along.
You might try to dodge the masses and find the crowd a joke, but only if you treat yourself as well as you treat other folk.
So get together with yourself and trust yourself in you,
and you’ll find that your advice to you is often pretty good.
